Has anyone heard the stats concerning the longevity of marriage? They say that half of all marriages end in divorce! Say what?! Why would anyone get married with such odds stacked against them? Those statistics are alarming and should be enough to give us pause. Marriage is in trouble, and we need to get to the root! So why has staying married become an impossible task?
I remember a game we played growing up – we called it “Wedding”. We hosted a wedding where we chose kids to play the bride, the groom, and the bridal party. It was one of my favourite games! The joys of being a kid! I remember all the girls wanting to play the bride. I do not remember making the part – I was a part of the bridal party, every time!
I could not wait to get married when I grew up. I imagined the dress I would wear; the bridal party, the music, and the food. Have you ever wondered why girls have marriage on their minds from a young age?
Imagination is one of the greatest gifts God could have given kids – it can take them anywhere. I would spend hours daydreaming about my wedding.
Interestingly, God also uses dreams to speak to us. Most of us claim not to hear Him. Hearing God requires availability and intentionality on our part. Pastor Stephanie Ike from The Potter’s House OneLA x Denver once said: Jesus would not have died for us and not speak to us. God speaks to us. The problem is that we may fail to hear Him, for one reason or another. He longs to familiarise His voice to us so we can respond. Other ways in which He speaks to us are through; wisdom, visions, a small still voice, a knowing in your spirit, and people. The main way in which He speaks however is through His written word, the Bible.
God spoke to me via a dream at the beginning of the year 2020. I will not bore you with the details, but the gist was that I heard a voice tell me that marriage is under spiritual attack.
The enemy is after kingdom marriage – he seeks to divide and conquer. Remember, God created kingdom marriage, and He deemed it a good thing. The enemy always seeks to pervert what God deems good. Sometimes I sense a wee bit of jealousy on his part. He knows we are dear to the heart of God. We are also the vessels God chose to use for His plan to be accomplished on the earth. In other words, the enemy hates us!
Imagine a married couple who had insight into why they were created. The purpose and calling of God would be accomplished in their lives. They would also be a threat to the enemy! That is what we call Kingdom Marriage and the enemy hates such unions. It should be the goal for believers who wish to honour and glorify God in marriage one day.
God instituted kingdom marriage, and He deemed it a good thing. Genesis 2: 18 The Lord said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from God.” Wait one minute! So, finding a wife is a good thing – but it would seem that favour also follows a man when he does get married. The enemy does not want favour unlocked so he tries his best to destruct us.
God set marriage apart, therefore He made it holy. It is a covenant. A married couple walking in their calling is something to behold. The power of this union is what unsettles the enemy. Agreement between the two makes them a force to reckon with! I love this verse. Matthew 18:19 “Again I tell you that if two of you agree about anything you ask for; it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” Who best to agree with than your spouse?
Marriage yields great benefits when done God’s way. It is one of the many mysteries of God. We must remember, that the union is an enactment of the beautiful love story between Christ and us – His church. God designed specific roles for Christ and us. Likewise, a man and his wife have specific roles to play as well. Kingdom marriage should honour and glorify God and showcase His Love to a dying world. A kingdom marriage is supposed to draw people to the Creator. God, in His infinite wisdom, hid mysteries within marriage.
Power is activated when we agree with Christ about who we are and step into our God-given identity. He empowers us to overcome all things. We are stronger when grounded in Him and He in us. Similarly, power is activated when a couple is in agreement. It is a mystery to be unveiled by the couple. The enemy wins the moment he stops the activation and effect of the power of agreement.
How does the enemy stop the power from being activated? You got it! Through division. The enemy works against us. He makes sure to introduce brokenness into our lives. The enemy sets traps for us – from a young age – through our experiences.
God created marriage to be a haven for the two – a safety net, so to speak. The enemy damages us by luring us out of the safety of the marriage covenant via infidelities. He diverts us from the plan of God by dangling kryptonite/ our weaknesses – which come as temptations – in our faces! The enemy studies us – he brings us what our flesh desires. He is a piece of work! Being aware of our weaknesses puts us at an advantage. We must bring our weaknesses before God so He can manage them.
Remember the Garden of Eden? Everything was in perfect harmony when Adam and Eve agreed. The enemy brought division, and rebellion was the result! The enemy used the lady to get to the man. Why?
My thoughts; maybe she was the man’s kryptonite/ weakness. She also could convince him.
Marriages are more divided now than ever, and half of them never see the light of day. The enemy loves this, and he seems to be winning! He probably throws a divorce party for every Godly union that bites the dust!
The enemy does not start attacking a marriage when the two get married – to the contrary. He starts his plan of introducing brokenness when we are still very young. The enemy carries on, damaging us throughout our lives. We are broken by the time we get married and thus are looking to our spouse to complete us.
This sly plan of the enemy is unbeknownst to us. We carry on, under the impression that all is well. We are oblivious to the damage taking place behind the scenes in most cases.
How does the enemy introduce brokenness? Through our experiences, traumas, and disobedience. He can also use what we were exposed to, our upbringing, and what was spoken over us – the list is endless. He plans to chip away at who God says we are. He attacks our God-given identity through our hurts and experiences. He is relentless in taking us off God’s course. Ignorance about our God-given identity guarantees the enemy victory. We end up failing to discover our purpose and calling – which is what the enemy is after!
The enemy cannot stop people from falling in love and getting married. He can, however, make it so that they do not stand a chance of succeeding when they do get married. He plans to bring two broken people together in marriage. What is the result of two broken people trying to make a marriage work? Division – which leads to divorce! Two broken people cannot make a marriage work.
Brokenness will cause the demise of the union. In hindsight, I brought unaddressed brokenness into my marriage – unbeknownst to me at the time. My ex-husband also brought issues that he had not dealt with. The result was division, and ultimately divorce. We got married broken, and we did not stand a chance – which was exactly what the enemy planned. I have learned that I at that time needed my spouse to complete me and make me happy. I gave a job meant for God to a man.
Kingdom marriage does not work when the two are striving to complete one another. We cannot bring 50% of ourselves to the table and expect our man to complete us. A healthy kingdom marriage is two complete people (100% each) who know who they are in God, walking in purpose and calling and seeking His Kingdom coming together as one.
Most of us are falling into the trap of the enemy as he sows seeds of brokenness into our lives. The good news – God desires to heal our broken areas before we get married. He desires that we cling to Him, more so in our single season. Our single season is precious, and we ought to make good use of it.
God desires that we get married in wholeness. He wants us to succeed in kingdom marriage. Our single season is the ideal time to develop an intimate relationship with Jesus so that He can reveal and heal our broken areas before we go into marriage. God also reveals our calling, gives us our identity and validates us in our single season. That way, we do not give a job meant for God to our spouses.
Stay Blessed X!
